Willdo? Yes I know him? I've known him since we were kids. He has always had the worst luck. I mean to say his luck is bad is like saying a lottery winner's luck is good. It is a gross understatement of the truth. Much of his bad luck tends to be related to the bathroom or bodily fluids in one way or another. Willdo is no stranger to having an issue with the onset of nearly crippling diarrhea. These bouts of diarrhea tend to occur at the most inopportune of times. Examples: while talking to a client, while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic miles from any exit, or eating dinner in an upscale restaurant.
Here's an example of such a time. While at work Willdo was experiencing an issue with loose bowels on the scale of one afflicted with amoebic dysentery. Willdo is understandably shy about experiencing such an issue in public. In fact he doesn't like using public restrooms at all. If he does have to use the restroom he prefers to use a stall where the adjacent stalls are unoccupied. But this was an emergency and to avoid dispensing soft serve in his underwear he needed to use whatever commode was available.
The center stall with the adjacent stalls occupied. He quickly covers the seat with a sanitary cover, sits down and immediately evacuates a massive load of last night's Chinese dinner. A cloud of funk fills the air. It is like the smell of a diaper pail and a hair perm. To Willdo's dismay he hears the sound of his neighbors gasping. “Oh no!” he thinks to himself. “Courtesy flush, must courtesy flush!” So Willdo does, and as he does he notices something doesn't sound right. Then he feels it. Diarrhea filled toilet water backing up and touching his most intimate of areas front and back. “Oh God please don't over flow, PLEASE!” Willdo screams in his head. The last thing he wants is to have a fecal soup running all over the floor in a crowded restroom and him trapped in the offending stall. To his limited pleasure the rising water stops. “Maybe it will start to empty.” but no such luck. There he sits with his own waste bathing his undercarriage. He slowly raises up and begins the lengthy process of drying and wiping his parts. Now all he needs to do is nonchalantly leave this restroom go to another and wash up in one of the sinks in the handicapped stalls. He'll go to the 4th floor, that one is rarely occupied. Willdo turns around to instinctively to flush the toilet but quickly stops remembering it is clogged. He looks into the toilet and to his horror sees what looks like coleslaw floating in brown gravy. He can't leave now while people are in the bathroom. They'll see this mess belongs to him. He'll wait, that's it he'll wait until they leave. He stands at the back of the stall pants down around his ankles and a not so fresh backside. After what seems like an eternity the bathroom is empty. He quickly and disgustedly pulls up his pants and makes a mad dash for the 4th floor restroom and takes off his clothes and washes his ass and package in the handicapped sink. I'm sure the poor bastard who used the bathroom next wondered why someone washed there nasty lunch container in that sink and why it smelled like shit.
